when all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even three cats.
You might’ve seen it before with a Native American twist even though it isn’t Native. Here’s a personal adaptation of it…
A sage was talking with his pupil. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said, “a fight between two wolves.
One wolf is large but fragile. It is hasty, envious, selfish, afflicted, regretful, guilt-ridden, bitter, spiteful, and aloof.
The other wolf is small but unyielding: It is calm, patient, playful, humble, benevolent, empathetic but detached, sincere, compassionate, and grateful.
They both roam free. They are both hungry. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside all human beings.”
The child paused to reflect, then finally asked, “So, which wolf will win?”
The sage replied, “Both will have their victories. It isn’t always about which one wins, but which one leads. The wolf that is fed more leads the fight. It becomes the alpha.”
Was the beginning of something I never could imagine and certainly didn’t expect….What a year. An anniversary to be forgotten if there ever was one needing to be erased. You always hear or read about how you should listen to instinct and heed subtle signs that reveal themselves when you’re conscious enough to be aware of them, especially the ominous ones. They may be signs that the universe is telling you something. Giving advice, sending a warning…like a spiritual protector guiding you along. Like a fallen tree, for example. Downed from a rainy thunderstorm from earlier in the evening and completely blocking the path in front of me as I was heading home. A tangled, messy heap of broken branches and an uprooted base just lay there…foreboding and symbolic of something within me perhaps? It turns out that was exactly what it was. I didn’t know then, but I still pulled over and paused for a moment. As I stopped, a chill come through the windows and into my lungs, sliding up from the base of my spine to the core of my chest. It was cold, crisp air, and it seemed to be permeating through everything. Reflecting back on that now, it was a surreal moment that seems to be suspended in animation as though time had paused just for a little while. It’s almost as though mother nature/celestial energies were suggesting I turn around and head back to where I had departed from. I needed to give the moment credence. Did I listen? Apparently not. Eyes closed. I went around, continuing in the same direction. And what a year it’s been since. I don’t often have regrets. But I know of one that has been ingrained. From one year ago amidst a stormy night. And once from when I was much younger. Tried. Tried. Tried. Tired. Done and done. To quote Billy Joel, “I’ve been searching for something, taken out of my soul. Something I would never lose.” It’s something sacred I lost that day. The tree is gone from the place where it once rested, supplanted once, but only once.
And that’s all it takes.
Ah, well…C’est la vie, but I will see you where I go.
On this exact day, at this time exactly one year ago, I was given a second opportunity. I came out of a long stint in the hospital after having been suggested by several doctors that I might have something serious going on. A Nerve-rattling time, no doubt. And after having an out of body experience in which I’m pretty sure I left the mortal realm for a few seconds. So today I look back at the days and weeks and months that have transpired since that day and can say, now, I have a bit more clarity. And hope. And that’s something truly remarkable…it’s a gift, a precious truth one must always keep in mind when the going gets tough. This feeling is like an early Thanksgiving when you go around the table and everyone shares what they’re thankful for. I count my blessings, each and every one because one year ago, on this day…I was brought back into Life, though the Love of my family and dearest of friends.